Friday, 24APR98

Not only is the phrase "Please Do Not Stand on Toilet" good advice in general (after all, 9 out of 10 household accidents occur in the bathroom), but it is also the text on a sign Veronica has seen in the rest rooms here. Most rest rooms here are outfitted with two forms of toilets: the "have a seat and make yourself at home" or Western Toilet; and, "the large hole in the ground with two feet painted on the floor to tell you where to stand" or Asian Toilet. The sign is an attempt to prevent accidents by those attempting to balance while standing on the seat of the Western Toilet. Like many things here, it makes perfect sense once someone explains it to you, it all comes down to communications.

Speaking of communications, we are making strides to be understood when we speak. It can be especially frustrating for everyone involved since we all speak English and believe we are speaking clearly. Unfortunately, we have funny accents and the rhythm and tempo of our speech is different so we often find ourselves repeating ourselves, or being served something completely different than we asked for. Even pointing doesn't always work. Last night Greg pointed to "Pineapple Juice" and got some sort of "Peach Water"; Veronica pointed to a picture of some dessert and got something that other than containing shaved-ice was completely different than what she pointed to. She was very happy with it. One of the words that the Singaporeans have trouble pronouncing is "VERONICA". Here in the office, this has been solved by people using the traditional nickname for "Veronica"--"Veron" (pronounced "ver-on"). She's been a very good sport about it but suggests that those back in the States that value their lives should continue to call her "Veronica" or Ms. Walgamotte.

The holidays are once again upon us. Next week (May 1) is Labour Day (the ruling party is socialist, after all) and we will be having our first three day week-end. In spite of waiting until the last possible moment, we actually have made arrangements to go away for the week-end. We were pretty happy to find anything available since we waited so long; in fact, the travel agent asked how we planned on getting anywhere, swim? But she found us flights. We will be flying to Penang, a large island of the Northwest Coast of Malaysia, on an airline from Taiwan called EVA Air. It's part of the Evergreen Group, the folks with the green containers and semi-trailers that say, surprisingly EVERGREEN. We are hoping the plane is more comfortable than the containers, but it's a short flight (about an hour), so how bad can it be? (Be sure to keep an eye out for a future newsletter entitled "Flight of the Damned!") It looks like we have a good deal: 3 days/2 nights in Penang at the Crown Prince Hotel (a good Japanese chain) complete with breakfast, a full-day tour, airport transfers and breakfast, all for less than US$350 for the two of us. Some friends of ours really enjoyed it when they were travelling out here a couple of years back. The week after our trip, another holiday (Vesak Day) and three day week-end occurs. We still haven't arranged anything for that one. If you ever plan to move to Singapore, don't move in April unless you have already organized vacation plans for the 4 holidays that fall in the first month and half. After this, it is a long time until another holiday (August).

We continue to deal with the unairconditioned kitchen with a strategy of eating out. We still haven't visited the same restaurant twice for dinner. And I think we still have a couple more within walking distance. Walking is a good idea since we are eating quite well and could use the exercise. For those who think we are being childish about the air conditioning, it was 84-86 in the kitchen yesterday, 84 was the low! Things will probably change, even if the temperature doesn't--Veronica signed up for an Indonesian Cooking class at the local community center which sounded interesting. It should be especially interesting since it will be taught in Mandarin. The man at the desk promises that the recipes will include English and that her classmates will be helpful. She gets to audit the first class before actually paying for anything, so it is risk-free.

Our social life continues. Today alone, I received two flyers for church events from people here in the office. Once a magic show and the other an Argentian evangelist. I suspect we may have set a precedent by attending the Easter church dinner. Unfortunately, we won't be able to make either of these latest events. We say another movie last week-end, "As Good as it Gets". I mention this only to so I can mention that the Chinese title for this movie is "Mr. Cat Poop". According to news wire stories, it is often difficult to translate an English title exactly into Chinese since it may not really work as a title. Hong Kong film distributors, therefore, have to use their creativity when dealing with titles. For some titles, their logic is clear; for others, it loses something in the translation. For those who haven't seen the movie, it is very good but you will see no cats in the movie.

On a more serious note, we will close with a recent change in the local drug laws. Possessing more than 250 grams/8 ounces of "ice" or methamphetamine is now a hanging offense. This brings to 4 the number of drugs for which you can get the death sentence. Heroin (15 grams/half an ounce); cannabis (500 grams/1 pound); and morphine (30 grams/1 ounce). Interestingly, claiming you used drugs outside of the country is no longer a good defense---if you fail a drug test, you will prosecuted as if you used drugs here in Singapore. By the way, lesser amounts of drugs result in jail sentences and a number of strokes of the cane (i.e. whipped with a bamboo stick). "Just say No" is really good advice here; but drug use among teenagers is rising. Go figure.

p.s. Greg ran this newsletter through the "Grammar Analyzer" tool in his word processor and made the following suggestions and reported the following statistics:

For the sentence that began: "The man at the desk...."

Suggestion: Gender-specific expression. Consider replacing with person, human being, or individual.

For every use of the word "especially":

Suggestion: This word my be confused with "specially"

For use of the word "childish":

Suggestion: This word may be confused with "child-like".

READABILITY:

Passive Sentences 9%

Flesch Reading Ease 67.8

Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level 8.2

Coleman-Liau Grade Level 9.1

Bormuth Grade Level 9.7

So, our apologies if anyone was offended by the use of the word "man" (for the record, the individual WAS male) or confused or reads at less than an 8.2 grade level (on the Flesch-Kincaid scale).